Watch “Conservative Treatments Lipoedema 2021-2022 clients response to being able to wear shorts.” on YouTube

https://youtube.com/shorts/9KLfnpyJk-U?feature=share

My favorite Lipedema sister and dear sweet friend Kaz is launching her YouTube channel. Check out the hope she is slinging!

June is Lipedema Awareness Month

Now was a good a time as any to start writing again here publicly about my Lipedema and Lymphedema journeys. I’ve been using my @wholeandbalancedliving Instagram daily to share. I apologise that I haven’t been posting here regularly. That’s going to change going forward, to include adding that content here.

In the interim, be sure to follow me at www. instagram.com/WholeandBalancedLiving

Much love, Nita

Anything Is Possible

The could ofs, should ofs, and would ofs don’t belong on this journey of healing. This diseased fat thing, it doesn’t come with a disclaimer. Those of us navigating information to become empowered have already suffered.

We have suffered losses, missed opportunities, painful memories, low self worth, depression, anxiety, and bad relationships. There’s not an area of life this Disease doesn’t effect. It’s body, mind, and soul. It can and will crush you. Women give up everyday on figuring it out.

Some have suffered for a few years, and more, unfortunately, for decades. The majority of women facing this challenge don’t even know what it is. There’s no name to learn about for those still in the darkness of misdiagnosis. I could possibly still be in that place had I not read my friend’s blog…a blog I didn’t regularly read…a post she was promoting on social media building her photography brand. That’s a whole lot of dots to connect.

Looking back, that’s the how I think we have to learn to let go of. The resistance we get when we start trying to figure it out, versus just trying to feel it.

A few years ago, when I started this journey, I had no idea how. I only anchored on what I wanted to see as possible. Women healing. Women happy. Women pain free and living life out loud. The how, it wasn’t known. It’s not even really known now. Yes, we know what works better for us versus those not like us. We know surgery is an option. As is compression, fascia work, swimming, and dry brushing. We know the recipe per say, some of it at least.

The getting there is what we are enduring. The daily commitment to self care. The saving for procedures and treatments not insured. The pain, and embracing the unknown. Each day we decide what’s possible.

Stop beating yourself up with the moments of struggle to get here. Know you are more than what this Disease has done to you. Know you’ll find a way. Know, anything is possible. That you can heal.

What is known today is “possibility.” The internet has changed the game. Women can connect all over the planet and share how they’re overcoming this Disease. Knowledge and those willing to step out into the public as a walking and talking billboard of sorts, they’re our heros.

I have always hoped for a way out of this fat suit. A way to just not stand out. To look normal. Somewhere along the way, some people took some risks and figured some things out. Because of them, women are healing and stopping the progression of this Disease. Because of them, we all can know that yes, anything is possible.

Exercise & Balance: Smelling the Roses Along the Journey of Lipedema & Ketogenic Healing

So, lets talk about facts. About exercise, and how it helps this Disease. Lets also talk about balance, as it pertains to the notions of calories in, calories out, traditional weightloss science, and the diseased fat cells of this Disease. How a traditional balanced approach of carbohydrates does not work for maintenance of obesity, secondary to Lipedema fat, for the majority of Lipedema women. Or, how secondary Lymphedema won’t tolerate sugar or gluten. Yes, lets talk about these things. Lets talk about Lipedema. But first…

I can’t tell you how many times I have stumbled upon women posting or commenting a kind of “shade” at their peers in Lipedema groups. Support groups. You know, places where people go to share their pains and wins with this fucking disease. Where they’re vulnerable and real. Sacred places where they don’t want to be judged or questioned. They don’t want to be talked down to either. And surely, never assume you know their Journey, until you’ve taken the time to actually get to know them. Your friend in that lipedema group might be someone who has done everything you’re doing now that works for you….. but didn’t work for them. Ask questions. Don’t assume. Celebrate each other’s wins and smell the roses through the pain of finding the balance of what works for you.

Now, having said this. Exercise…

Me, I HAVE TO EXERCISE. HAVE TO. NON NEGOTIABLE. Why? I don’t want to be shut in. I don’t want to be in pain. I want to feel like I have some sort of control over something they tell us it’s not curable. Let that sink in. NOT CURABLE. ZERO CONTROL. HELLO….I am Type A folks…I like control. 💁

I can remember being out on the soccer field when my step-daughter was in high school. Exercise was important in our family. My son took pictures of it, and to this day, I won’t post them. They made me so nauseated. So ashamed.

No one knew that I was living in a verbally abusive situation at the time either. No one knew that he was blaming me for my weight. He thought I was sneaking food or not working out when I left to go to do so with friends. These were the days before Facebook and Instagram. We’re talking MySpace and before. 2006-2008ish. 350lb+ ish. I know the years because of when Jen, now 23, played soccer. I try to forget the rest.

Every woman who has this disease has had that level of self hating, that level of angst towards her body. We have all suffered.

The last thing any of us need to do is run around being self-righteous, and roundabout judgemental, to another woman dealing with this diagnosis.

Yes, we know exercise helps this disease. However, if you are in chronic pain, and can’t even go to a grocery store anymore to go walk and so grocery shopping, like my own mother, getting up to go for a walk isn’t really in the cards. Nor is having the confidence to get in the pool with her daughter.

So many women are shut in because of this Disease. Some give up and eat whatever. Some don’t, and still try to lose pounds and gain mobility to heal. Don’t hate on those suffering. Love them through it. Share what works for you and your journey. Be a billboard for this Disease. Give someone else hope to keep trying.

If you can and do exercise, share it. I share mine sometimes. It’s always been a part of this journey. Walking even has its own hashtag for me because of my roots in exercise being from my grandparents. Not my parents, MY GRANDPARENTS!!! Mom worked FT and went to school FT. Dad worked two FT jobs. They didn’t exercise.

If something worked for you, something helps you manage this disease, please share it and scream it from the rooftops to anyone in the struggle who is ready to receive it and listen.

Everyone has to find what works for them. What works for me, might not work for you, and that is absolutely okay. All that matters is that you find out what helps you feel good every day. What makes you feel whole and balanced.

Low carb food choices and healthy fats work for me. A body fat adapted to ketones gives me little to no pain now. Mobility without suffering. The weightloss was a side effect and warmly welcomed too. It works for me and many lipoedema and lymphedema people. But, it might not work for you. You won’t know until you try it. I am not a ketogenic expert. I’m just passing along what works right now for my body and journey.

That’s the thing, each day we get to choose how we face this thing. We can allow it to define us, or we can choose instead to define it. I decided somewhere along the journey to take my power back. I’m choosing to define it. I refuse now to let it define me. Ketogenic healing, exercise, fasica blasting, dry brushing, manual lymphatic drainage, compression and pivoting to a co-creating mindset are my tools to getting there.

Own This Disease!

I’ve literally never been happier, and I am not even done yet. I truly believe that each day is a day to become better than the day prior. I am my only vessel for this rodeo, so I want to do whatever it takes to heal.

I can remember hating taking pictures with my girls the night the one on the left was taken. I am so glad that’s no longer my reality, that hurtful and negative voice in my head. Decades of it. Years of just wanting to feel good in my own skin.

It wasn’t my fault, the Lipedema. I just didn’t know what it was or how to manage it yet. What was my fault was when I would feel hopeless or defeated with it.

This disease WILL fuck with your head and your self worth. Don’t allow it to. Be better. Be stronger. Own this disease, don’t let it own you. Overcome it. Never give up! This wasn’t an overnight journey. It’s a never-ending one. But, you and I, we are worth that fight!

Dots Along The Journey

Life, it’s never dull around here. I have a father in the throws of dementia and fading away, most days not even knowing who I am, or how much he loves me. A mom who lives in the opposite direction travel wise, not feeling herself, in and out doctors and hospitals, afraid of what’s ahead for both of us. Afraid of being a burden. Oh the lies we tell ourselves when we are vulnerable. Family, love, it’s NEVER A BURDEN.

Yet, despite these consuming life stresses, and having my entire world turned upside down about 90 days ago as it pertains to best friends and my volunteer/work life, I can see the dots.

I now see how one of my closest cheerleaders on this Lipedema healing journey, since I learned its name in 2012, how her betrayal and mean girl behaviors pushed me to own my truths, and to move away from that which wasn’t healthy for me. How the most painful experiences were catalysts for change.

What wasn’t making me happy, had to go. She wasn’t making me happy. My volunteer work for another wasn’t making me happy either. Not owning my truths, those truths, was making me uneasy, and unwell. In the end, she set me free.

Reciprocal relationships, those make me happy. Healthy, that makes me happy too. Thriving, now that makes me the happiest. It was time my day-to-day relationships evolved in alignment with my body, and my healing.

You see, you tolerate a lot of bad behaviors from people when you don’t have a grasp on your own self worth, when you are unwell. I swore when I found the courage to leave my ex-husband who was verbally abusive (over 8 years ago), that I would not repeat patterns of the past. That I would take however much time I needed to heal from that. I honestly thought I had done so.

Thing is, I hadn’t. Even with continued therapy. Not completely. The events of June showed me that truth.

I found myself instead around, and in love with, narcissistic personalities. Supposed friends who had no follow through to ever really treat me the way I treat people. Both persons showed their true colors when my back acted up in February. Those March ripples broke shore as violent waves come June. By July, I was done. Shattered, and ready to move forward, drama free, healthy, whole, and at peace.

So, that brings us to today. And, today is freedom.

Yesterday, I did a damn thing. I allowed myself to be filmed, talking about this fucking disease Lipedema and all that it has done to me, and made me, in the last 30 years. 30 YEARS. 30 YEARS!!!!

I was vulnerable. I was raw. I hid nothing. I owned it all. Every mistake. Every lesson. This is me. Beautiful, fragile, and once broken by Lipedema, me. An hour of showing, educating, and just being unapologeticly, me. I laughed. I cried. It was, without a doubt, an exercise in expansion. The hardest and best thing I have done yet since knowing its name.

I know that I own this disease now, that it doesn’t own me anymore. I also know that if we never give up, the dots will connect. We will get to eventually see what’s being drawn before us.

We get so hung up in the how. We really have to remember to just trust in the process, trust in the pulls. I started going public two years ago, and became intentional 90 days ago. Had I not done those things, been fearless, owned its name, I would not of just had the opportunity I had.

The people who hurt me, the mean girl who used to comment on every transformation photo, who wanted me to get made up, dress nice, and GET THE GUY, she in turn gave me the best parting gift in her wake of damage and betrayal. A reminder of my self worth. A reminder that, as my grandma Irene once said, WE ARE THE DREAM.

That gift allowed me to be who I was yesterday, talking about Lipedema, just not giving a fuck, and being fearless. Those painful experiences with her equalled a resolve and peace I had forgotten I could procure.

Jealousy and addiction does crazy things to people. Love them anyway, just from afar. After all, they’re struggling and evolving just like the rest of us.

Then, it hit me hard, thinking about it all, the dots to be able to even handle yesterday. Like an avalanche, as my stomach was turning in nervousness yesterday morning, it all came full circle. If I was losing my mind the last week reliving 30 years of the dream and trauma attached to it, sane and sober, how in the world did someone I love ever do it unwell and addicted? Talk about it all coming full circle. About compassion. About, twinning, and timing. Yes, twinning. Oh yeah, I own that too these days. No fear. No regrets.

See, that’s the thing about never giving up. You don’t get to see the beauty of it all unless you stick and stay long enough.

Please, never give up on your own fights. Somewhere along the way you’re connecting someone else’s dots, just as someone else is connecting yours. Remember that, I love you.

You deserve to be well, too.

#FaceToFaceFriday

So, it’s been a hot minute. But, it feels like it’s been thirty years in the making. Lipedema started at 13ish. Maybe 11/12. You can see it in old family pictures.

30 Years to Freedom

I don’t know if you understand what it’s like to be told you’re going to be condemned to a fat suit the rest of your life. No matter calories in and out. No matter your movement. Nope, fat. And not just a little fat, a whole lot fat. 180lbs of fat and fluid.

Then, Others Took The Leap

Ladies in the Facebook group Lipedema Sisters USA started talking about their transformations and ketogenic eating. I paid attention. I was floored. I wanted what they wanted. I dabbled. I researched. I copied the right cats.

I Jumped

Sixteen months later, I have done things and gone places with my health I didn’t know were possible before low carb Ketogenic living. My Lipedema has some better solutions to manage its progression today, and a way to get back pain free living and mobility for countless other women.

Just Do The Damn Thing

You won’t regret it. Stick and stay. It’s worth it. I have reached old dreams, and have created new ones. You’re worth the struggle. You’re worth the fight.

A Year+ Later

I’m half way through this turning the clock back on Lipedema journey.
Yes, I do give myself manual lymphatic drainage, and yes, I will probably need special surgery one day if I want normal limbs. Time will tell. Over 100lbs lost, and still going. Low carb healthy fat/keto saved me.

My type of Lipedema with secondary Lymphedema is the kind that typically requires surgery. Thing is, as a disease, it’s all very early in research and information stages.

In the UK, they diagnose and start treatment at puberty. In the US, we don’t even have a medical code and NIH’s own damn website pushes a link to the UK’s. Our health care system has failed women by not acknowledging and treating it.

I know women taking insurance companies to court for treatment. Others are testifying before Congress and starting non-profits. They’re pushing ahead, full pedal to the metal.

Here I am, just hating on posting old pictures and becoming a walking and talking billboard of hope for this challenge. But, if one woman sees it and says damn, those look like my legs, what’s that called again, and finds that hope where there wasn’t any, so be it. Progress, is often painful. 😘 Hope, it’s priceless. Especially to a woman stuck in a “fat suit” that isn’t her fault.

A Paradigm Shift

I’m back!!!! I have some news too. It’s a bombshell of sorts as it pertains to this blog.

I am no longer juicing.

I am living a Ketogenic lifestyle. Been doing so since October 2016, but have been seriously committed since my birthday on January 26th.

I am now 99.9% pain free, and for the first time in DECADES, I have hope about this Lipedema crap hand of cards I was dealt.

What’s Ketogenic?

It looks like this.

Knowing (The Blog): The Transcendence – Dancing With Denial

http://nitaclewis.blogspot.com/2017/04/the-transcendence-dancing-with-denial.html?m=1

See, not only was I not writing here, I wasn’t writing there either…it’s a new day though…and it feels good to be back…

Xoxo